The film opens with a surreal and absurd prologue that reimagines the events leading to the 9/11 attacks. Asif and Nabi, two hijackers aboard Flight 11, debate the reward of virgins promised for their mission. Disillusioned after learning from Osama bin Laden that there aren’t enough virgins to fulfill their expectations, they decide to divert the plane to the Bahamas. However, chaos ensues when passengers storm the cockpit, attempting to retake control. In the struggle, the plane veers off course and crashes into the South Tower of the World Trade Center, blending tragedy with biting satire.
Five years later, the scene shifts to the desolate town of Paradise, Arizona, a dusty wasteland inhabited by society’s outcasts. Here, the volatile and downtrodden Postal Dude struggles to navigate his miserable life. After being mocked at a job interview, thrown out of the unemployment office, and discovering his obese wife’s infidelity with multiple townsmen, the Dude reaches his breaking point. Desperate to escape the dead-end town, he reluctantly teams up with his sleazy Uncle Dave, a doomsday cult leader drowning in over a million dollars of unpaid taxes.
Together, they concoct a scheme to hijack a shipment of rare Krotchy Dolls—plush toys shaped like a scrotum—that are in high demand. With the help of Richie, Uncle Dave’s deranged right-hand man, and an army of scantily clad cult followers, they plan to sell the dolls online, where they fetch astronomical prices. However, their plan takes an unexpected turn when a hidden faction of al-Qaeda terrorists, led by Osama bin Laden and secretly backed by President George W. Bush, also targets the shipment. The terrorists intend to infect the dolls with avian influenza to unleash a deadly biological attack on American children, hoping to surpass the destruction of 9/11.
Both groups converge at Little Germany, a German-themed amusement park, where the shipment is held. A chaotic and violent confrontation ensues, ignited by a brawl between the park’s owner, Uwe Boll, and the creator of the Postal franchise, Vince Desi. The fight escalates into a massive shootout involving cultists, terrorists, police, and innocent bystanders, resulting in a massacre. Despite the mayhem, the Dude and Uncle Dave manage to escape with the shipment and the park’s guest of honor, Verne Troyer, pursued by al-Qaeda and enraged townsfolk.
Returning to their compound, they discover it has been overrun by the terrorists. Seeking refuge in an underground bunker, Richie reveals a dark twist: Uncle Dave’s apocalyptic “prophecy,” outlined in his fabricated Bible, is set to unfold. According to the prophecy, the end of humanity begins with the rape of a “tiny entertainer” by a thousand monkeys. Richie, consumed by delusions of grandeur, throws Verne Troyer into a pit of chimps to fulfill the prophecy. He then murders Uncle Dave and imprisons the Dude.
The Dude, driven by vengeance and armed to the teeth, escapes the compound and launches a one-man war against all those who wronged him: al-Qaeda, Richie, the cult, the police, and his cheating wife. Along the way, he teams up with Faith, a fearless barista, after a bloody gunfight. Together, they embark on a violent rampage, mowing down terrorists, cult members, and anyone standing in their way. In the chaos, bin Laden is injured but escapes to call Bush for help. Bush, ever the opportunist, sends a helicopter to rescue him, cementing their bizarre alliance.
Amidst the carnage, the Dude confronts his wife and her lovers, delivering fiery retribution. With Faith by his side, he survives the bloodbath and drives away from the wreckage with his loyal dog, Champ. As they flee, a radio broadcast reveals that President Bush has blamed the violence on China and India, using it as justification to launch nuclear strikes against both nations. In retaliation, China and India fire their own nuclear missiles at the United States, setting the stage for global annihilation.
In the film’s surreal and darkly comedic final scene, Bush and bin Laden stroll through a serene field, hand-in-hand, as mushroom clouds rise in the distance. Laughing together, bin Laden quips, “Georgie, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.” Moments later, the nuclear missiles hit, obliterating the United States and possibly the entire world. The story ends with a satirical twist, leaving behind a smoldering dystopia.
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